


Come On To Me

by DRHPaints



Category: Actor RPF, American (US) Actor RPF, Bill Hader - Fandom, Bill Hader RPF, John Mulaney - Fandom, John Mulaney RPF, US Comedians RPF
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Coming Out, Established Relationship, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Face-Sitting, First Time Blow Jobs, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Multi, One Shot, Smut, Threesome - F/M/M, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:48:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26005948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DRHPaints/pseuds/DRHPaints
Summary: Bill is nervous about coming out to his girlfriend about his sexuality, but when she suggests that they do a threesome so he can explore it, Bill has only one person in mind: John Mulaney.
Relationships: Bill Hader/John Mulaney, Bill Hader/John Mulaney/Original Female Character, Bill Hader/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 22





	Come On To Me

Staring at the unfolding episode of  _ Forensic Files _ on the screen, Madeline leaned on her elbow, positive the husband was lying about his role in the murder.

“Hey hun?” Bill stood next to the couch.

“Hmm?” Madeline kept her eyes on the TV and didn’t see him gripping a box of crackers tightly in his hands, shifting his weight nervously back and forth.

“Can I talk to you about something?” 

Finally looking over at him, Madeline saw Bill’s eyebrows gathered, dark blue eyes darting all around the room, his mouth a flat line as his shoulders hunched over.

She paused the TV. “Sure, Bill. What’s wrong?”

Sitting down and putting the box on the coffee table, Bill’s hands crawled over themselves in his lap. “I, um...I don’t really know how to say this…” his leg bounced with anxiety and he looked off to the side, folding under his light pink lips.

“Oh, Bill, you’re not...you’re not  _ sick _ or anything, are you?” Madeline reached out and put a hand on one of his thick thighs.

“Oh honey, no, no.” He rubbed her shoulder. “Nothing like that. I’m fine, everybody’s fine. It’s just, um...I’ve been...I’ve been doing a lot of self-exploration lately,” Bill gestured toward his chest, staring down at the couch. “And I, um…” he puffed out his cheeks, closing his eyes, and let out a long, slow breath. “I think I’m attracted to men.”

Madeline blinked rapidly and sat back, silent. “Oh.” Looking down at her own hands, it was a moment before she could look up at Bill. She didn’t want the tears to come, but Madeline could feel them threatening the corners of her eyes. Swallowing, she fought to keep her voice level. “So...so you want to break up?”

“Oh Mads, no,  _ no. _ ” Bill reached out to stroke her face, leaning in to peck her cheek. “I’m still attracted to women. You’re so damn sexy.” His face spread into that slow grin that still got to her after all this time. “I’m just...bi. Or pansexual. Or whatever. I’m just starting to figure this shit out. I can’t say I fully understand the difference yet.” He shrugged. “But I wanted you to know. I didn’t want to hide anything from you.” Continuing to fidget in his lap, Bill half glanced at Madeline without meeting her eyes. “So, um...is this...are we okay?”

“Oh,  _ Bill, _ ” Madeline threw her arms around him, tucking her face into his neck and combing her fingers through his short chestnut hair. “Honey, I am  _ so damn proud _ of you! Thank you for telling me.” 

Bill’s arms found their way around her waist and she swung a leg over his lap, straddling him and rocking them gently back and forth. “Yeah?” Bill’s voice was thick, and hardly a whisper. Madeline rubbed circles into his back.

“Of course, Bill. I want you to be the most authentic person you can be.” She pressed a kiss to his neck. “How long have you known this about yourself?” 

“Long time.” Bill sniffed, holding her tight. 

Nodding, Madeline nuzzled into him. “Well, I’m really, really glad you told me. Thank you for trusting me, Bill. I love you so much.”

“Love you, too.” Pulling back, Bill wiped his face and she joined their lips. 

“Come on, let’s go to bed.” 

As she lay in the dark with Bill’s arms around her, Madeline’s curiosity got the better of her.

“Hey Bill?”

His voice reverberated through her back. “Hmm?” 

Biting her lip, she decided it was worth asking. “Have you ever been with a man?”

“No.” Bill shook his head. “I mean, you and everyone else in the world has seen me kiss half the guys in Hollywood on SNL, but nothing more than that. Always wanted to try though.”

Madeline nodded, stroking his muscled forearm. “You know, Bill, if you wanted to…” she blinked in the darkness. “Maybe we could invite someone to, you know...join us...sometime. If that’s something you would want.”

Arm disappearing from around her waist, Bill rolled over and turned on the light, then took her by the shoulder and leaned her back until Madeline was facing him.

“Really?” His cobalt eyes studied her face, mouth pursed.

Madeline shrugged. “Yeah. I mean, only if you’d want to. I’d think it was pretty sexy…”

Face breaking into a goofy smile, Bill nodded excitedly, his slightly smaller left eye shrinking even further. “Yeah! Yeah, I’d like that a lot.” He took her face in both hands and kissed her deeply. Madeline leaned in, flipping over and hooking her leg around Bill’s waist.

“Mmm, yeah, I think it could be really hot,” she said, grabbing the hem of Bill’s shirt and pulling it overhead.

Bill giggled, his large hands working their way under her sleep shirt to caress her breasts. “Oh yeah? You think so?”

“Mmhmm,” Madeline nodded, reaching down to palm his cock. “Two beautiful men, what’s not to like?” 

Smiling, Bill slid his fingers between her thighs, and began circling her clit. “You’d like that? You’d like three of us together?”

“Yeah, I would.” She started jerking him hard. “And maybe, I don’t know, maybe it’s strange, but the idea…” Madeline panted as Bill started rubbing her clit fast. “The idea of watching you suck someone. It makes me...it makes me really hot, Bill.” Rocking forward into his hand, Madeline clung to his strong shoulder and could feel her thighs starting to tremble.

“Oh yeah?” Bill smirked down at her. Then, angling himself lower, Bill inserted two lengthy fingers deep inside, pulsing and stimulating her clit with his thumb, brushing his lips to her ear. “You wanna watch me suck cock? Huh?”

“ _ Yes, Bill! Yes! Fuck! _ ” Madeline clenched around his slick fingers, shaking uncontrollably and moaning. Withdrawing, Bill drew the head of his hard cock over her entrance. 

“You want me to fuck you now?” Bill asked, pushing her crimson hair out of her face. Madeline nodded and he pushed forth, humming with contentment at the pressure. Thrusting into her for a few minutes, Bill scooped his arms underneath her and rolled, allowing Madeline to ride his thick cock while he pounded up into her.

Thumb firmly poised over her clit, the first time Madeline came, head thrown back and knees bouncing herself feverishly up and down, she was screaming Bill’s name. The second time they came together and she had gone into the realms of silence as Bill hammered into her, his own broken whimpers filling the room as his strong hands dragged her hips back and forth over his sensitive cock. 

Collapsing in a heap and breathing hard, Bill remained inside until their sweat dried. Curling up to sleep, he drifted off feeling safe and seen.

***

It was a couple of days before they were sitting down to breakfast, Madeline biting into a particularly ripe strawberry, when Bill set down his book and cleared his throat.

“So, I, uh...I’m thinking about John. Maybe.” His fingers tapped the table, eyes shifting.

Madeline blinked at him, tilting her head. “What now?” She looked around, certain they weren’t in the middle of a discussion she didn’t remember leaving.

“For, um...you know…” Bill pointed to her, then to himself, then held up three fingers. “I was thinking John. You know, Mulaney. I don’t know if he’d be into it.” Bill shrugged, chewing his bottom lip. “But I’d, um...I’d like it to be him. If possible.”

Eyeing Bill, Madeline brought a hand to her mouth to cover just how big her smile was. “Why  _ Bill _ , I didn’t know you thought of John like that.”

Bill began to turn a delicate shade of pink. “Oh, I, um...yeah. Yeah, I guess I…” his voice became almost impossibly small as he stared at the table and picked at nothing. “I guess I think John is pretty sexy…”

“Well, that’s great, honey,” Madeline squeezed his arm. “John’s a good friend, and if he’s into it he’ll definitely be discreet, which is important.” 

Bill nodded. “Do you think he’s attractive?”

Thinking, Madeline shrugged. “He’s a handsome man, but he’s never someone I’ve actively thought about having sex with before. I think he’s the perfect choice though.”

“Great.” Bill bobbed his head and smiled, resuming his breakfast. Pausing a moment later with a spoonful of cereal halfway to his mouth, Bill gathered his eyebrows and looked up at her. “Wait. How the hell am I supposed to ask him?”

***

John was touring, so it was about a month before they could have him over for dinner. They were nearly finished with their meal when Madeline leaned forward on an elbow.

“So John, are you seeing anyone right now?” John had been out about his sexuality for a few years among friends, dating men and women from time to time.

Shaking his head, John swallowed a mouthful of potatoes. “Nope, free and clear.” He wiped his mouth with a napkin. “Of course that doesn’t mean I don’t meet the occasional interesting person on the road.” He raised his eyebrows and Madeline grinned. “But no one special at the moment. Why do you ask? Got someone you want to set me up with?”

Bill and Madeline looked back and forth between each other, mouths open. “Actually, um…” Bill began. “We wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Sure, what’s up?” John lifted the last bite of chicken to his mouth.

Fingers tapping the table, Bill chewed his lip. “Well, um, I’ve been….I’ve been doing some thinking myself recently and I...I came to the conclusion that I’m…” he tipped his head down, looking at John. “Not…straight.”

Blinking twice, a smile spread over John’s face. “I fucking  _ knew  _ it!” He slapped the table, shaking his head and looking at the ceiling.

“Oh, you did not!” Bill reached across and playfully slapped his shoulder.

John took a sip of his seltzer. “Did so! Why do you think I put you in all those super gay sketches when we were at SNL?”

“Because you’re an asshole, John.” Bill closed his eyes and giggled.

Leaning forward, chin in hand, John gazed into Bill’s dark blue eyes. “Man, I really thought kissing Paul Rudd would break you.”

“Yeah, thanks a lot for that one, buddy.” Bill stared back at him, chuckling.

Madeline looked on in wonder.  _ They don’t even realize they’re flirting… _

__ Turning his eyes from Bill, John gestured between the two of them. “But you two? You’re staying together, right? Everything’s fine?”

“Oh, yeah.” Bill put his hand on top of Madeline’s. “All good.”

John wiped his hand across his forehead in exaggerated relief. “Thank goodness, you’re great together.” Madeline beamed at him. John squeezed one of Bill’s broad shoulders. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks, buddy.” Bill smiled. “But there’s, um...there’s something else…” his eyes fell to the table, then shifted to Madeline, then back to the table. “So I...I’ve never…” he cleared his throat. “I’ve never been with a man, and Madeline here,” Bill reached out to take her hand. “She was kind enough to say she’d be up for us inviting someone to join us. You know, in, um...in the bedroom, and, uh...I really,” Swallowing hard, Bill blinked several times before continuing. “I really want it to be with someone I trust.” Bill met John’s sky blue eyes, and it was half a second before it dawned on John what he was asking and he sat back in his chair.

Glancing back and forth between Bill and Madeline, John’s face first registered shock, then contemplation, then a secret little smile. He looked at his own hand on the table, tapping its surface. “And the two of you...you’ve discussed this? You’re sure?”

Bill and Madeline’s eyes met. “Yes.” Bill nodded.

“Yeah.” Madeline agreed.

Slowly nodding, John’s eyes scanned back and forth between them. “Well, okay then.” He lifted his eyebrows. “I’m in.”

Bill’s face was positively giddy and Madeline had never seen him look so adorable as he got all blushy and folded his lips, nodding. “Rad. Great. Thanks, buddy.”

“Of course, Bill.” John’s hand laid on top of his and Bill grew very still for a moment before turning his over and interlacing their fingers, his face radiant. “So…” John eyed them. “Tonight then?”

“Oh.” Bill seemed genuinely surprised. So worried about the conversation itself, he hadn’t put much thought into what actually might happen after. “Um...I mean, yeah. Why not? If that’s okay with you, honey.” He rubbed Madeline’s arm. 

Madeline nodded. “Yeah, that’s great. Um...shall we?” They left their dishes on the table, somehow the tension of waiting while they cleaned up dinner would’ve been just too awkward, and made their way slowly toward the bedroom. 

Once inside, Bill stood with his hands in his pockets, chewing his lip and looking at the floor. They all shifted their weight uncomfortably back and forth. They were like strangers trapped in an elevator together, forced to maintain close proximity for an extended period of time while their brains frantically scrambled for something to say to fill the air.

Bill finally lifted his hands in exasperation. “I’m sorry, I don’t know how we’re supposed to start this sort of thing.” They all chuckled half heartedly.

Deciding to take matters into her own hands, Madeline took a step forward and hooked her hand around the back of Bill’s neck, drawing him in for a long, slow kiss until she felt his shoulders relax and his breath ease. Breaking away, she gently nudged Bill toward John and took half a step back.

Getting closer, Bill said, “Hey, John.” And raised a hand in a half-wave that almost made Madeline burst out laughing. But John tilted his head, smiling.

“Hey, Bill.” Walking forward, he draped his lanky arms around Bill’s neck, brushing back his dark brown hair. Madeline watched the expression on John’s face, eyelids heavy as he studied Bill, gaze darting back and forth between his eyes and lips before he softly whispered, “ _ Bill,”  _ and leaned in, joining their mouths. For a moment Bill just stood there, letting John kiss him. But then his hands found John’s hips and his head tilted, tongue sliding into John’s mouth, who chirped against him delightedly.

Based on the way their hands roamed over one another and the passion with which their kissing increased, Madeline guessed both of them wanted this longer than they were willing to admit, and it wasn’t long before John pulled Bill’s shirt overhead, marveling at his firm chest. Extending an arm her way, Bill roped Madeline towards them, tipping down to kiss her neck while John kissed and nipped at Bill’s chest, swirling his fingers through the sparse black chest hair. Grabbing the hem of her shirt, Bill undressed Madeline and undid her bra, discarding them before beginning to caress her breasts. 

Tentatively Madeline trailed a hand down John’s arm and he circled her waist, leaving Bill’s chest and licking his lips before leaning in to kiss her. Bill drew John’s shirt over his head, holding him from behind and pressing kisses to the backs of his slender shoulders. They slunk out of their jeans and underwear, allowing them to pool on the floor, and John and Madeline crawled back on the bed, Bill following. 

Hesitantly Bill wrapped his fingers around John’s cock. “I, um...I haven’t done this before so...so if it’s not very good, I’m sorry.” He looked to John, thumb rubbing the underside of the head. 

John polished one of his prominent cheekbones. “You’re going to be great, Bill. It comes more naturally than you might think.” Bill nodded, and tentatively placed his light pink lips around the tip of John’s cock. While not as big as Bill, John still had plenty to work with, and Madeline watched as Bill closed his eyes, sliding down and hollowing his cheeks, taking as much of him down his throat as he could manage and moaning with satisfaction. 

Bobbing and stroking John into his mouth, John’s hands worked their way into Bill’s hair. “ _ Oh Bill, fuck. Yes! _ ” He gasped, closing his eyes and throwing his head back. Madeline ran her hand over John’s narrow chest and he opened his eyes, bringing one hand up to cup her face and connect their mouths before starting to massage her breast. Trailing downward, John’s nimble fingers worked between her thighs and Madeline tensed a little at first. It had been a long time since anyone other than Bill touched her, and the different technique was odd at first, but John coaxed her clit expertly and soon she found herself rocking forward into his hand. She couldn’t help but keep one eye open as they kissed, the sight of Bill swallowing John was deeply erotic as John’s hips began burrowing forward into his eager mouth.

Struggling to maintain their kissing, John’s moans rose. “Fuck Bill, if you don’t stop you’re gonna make me cum.” He brought a hand to his forehead. Pulling off, Bill brushed a kiss over John’s hip. Crawling up the bed, Bill kissed Madeline, who was starting to quiver over John’s fingers working between her legs, before lowering himself on top of John, grinding their cocks together. Combing his fingers through John’s hair, Bill looked into his cerulean eyes.

”Do you want me to fuck you, John?” His voice was barely above a whisper. 

John’s breath hitched. “Yes, Bill. Please.  _ Please, fuck me. _ ”

Bill kissed him passionately, patiently, before getting up to retrieve the lube and a condom from the bedside stand. While he applied some to his fingers, Madeline clutched at John’s chest, panting into his mouth.

“ _ John, fuck, fuck! _ ” She came around his fiddling fingers, shaking and eyes twitching as Bill began circling John’s entrance with two fingers. Entering him, Bill curved inside and flicked until John’s mouth dropped open in ecstasy, repeating the process until John was digging his heels into the mattress, frantically trying to fuck himself on Bill’s hand. Withdrawing, Bill rolled the condom over his cock, spreading lube on John and himself.

”You ready?” 

Looking up at him, John nodded. Slowly Bill tipped forward until he was flush against John, their mutual groans echoing off the walls. Bill began rolling his hips for a moment before he stopped.

“Wait...wait…” 

Panting, John licked his lips. “What’s wrong?”

“I want you to get on top.” Bill nodded. “Do you want to ride me, John?” 

John brought both hands to his face for a moment out of sheer excitement. “Fuck yes, Bill.” 

Extricating himself, they switched positions and Bill lay on his back. Straddling him, John positioned Bill’s cock and sank down with a high, broken moan. Almost immediately he started bouncing, head thrown back, Bill pumping John’s cock in time with their movements. 

Bill leaned over and slapped Madeline’s ass. “Get on my face, honey.”

“What?” She asked. Still recovering from her orgasm with John, Madeline had been enjoying the show.

“Ride my face, Mads. I wanna taste you. Come on.” Bill patted his own cheek and with a grin Madeline positioned a knee on either side of his head, facing John. Poised over Bill’s mouth, Madeline held most of her weight up, but Bill’s strong arms clamped over her hips and dragged her down against his sturdy jaw, tongue circling her clit a few times before surrounding it with his lips and sucking it into his mouth.

” _ Oh Bill! Oh, oh, fuck! FUCK! _ ” She cried, her pelvis rutting shamelessly against his face as she fought to keep herself upright, unholy screams emanating from her as her legs rattled and her eyes rolled. After her second orgasm, when the third storm was on the horizon, John bent forward and brought her face to his, fusing their lips together as they rode Bill into oblivion. 

Parting from her, John leaned back and forced himself down hard and fast on Bill’s thick cock while Bill hammered into him. “ _ Bill, yes! Fuck me! Just like that! _ ” John yelled, body tensing before hot cum shot over his chest and Bill’s knuckles, head dropping back loose as his hands barely managed to hold him up.

“ _ Bill! Fuck! Yes! _ ” Madeline screamed, bracing herself on his firm chest as she dripped down his face, legs tight around his ears as her fingernails dug into his flesh and she fought for air. Climbing off, Bill used a corner of the sheet to wipe his face, then sat up, hooking an arm around John and flipping him onto his back. Weight on top of him, Bill and John’s tongues wove together as Bill rocketed into him.

Bill tucked his arms underneath John, holding him as close as possible and John locked his legs behind Bill. Leaving John’s mouth, Bill nestled his face against John’s neck, whimpering desperately as his orgasm threatened to overwhelm him.

“ _ Oh John! Yes! John! John! _ ” With a few erratic final thrusts Bill came, bed frame shaking before he and John went limp in one another’s arms. John pressed kisses along Bill’s sculpted jawline while he stayed inside him, gulping for air. Detangling, the three of them sat at the head of the bed, sweat drying and sated.

“Well,” John caressed one of Bill’s thick thighs. “I hope that was what you wanted.”

Bill looked to Madeline, brushing a kiss to her lips, before turning to John and doing the same, smiling and staring into his sea blue eyes. “Everything I wanted and more.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read! If you enjoyed this, please leave a comment or come say hi on tumblr at fandomtransmandom


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